Addicted to Addicts? Find Out Why.

“I’m a person just like you, but I’ve got better things to do than sit around and fuck my head or hang out with the living dead.” –Minor Threat

If you’re so against drugs yourself, how is it that you always end up dating addicts? This is a question my friend and I asked ourselves last night. She and I are straight-edge but the guys we’ve attracted in the past have usually been addicted to drugs. If you find yourself in a similar predicament, trapped in a pattern of dating intelligent-stimulating-but-destructive people, explore the reasons below. Maybe one will apply or perhaps several will apply, but nonetheless, the point is to get some insight into yourself so you can broaden the selection of people you date. Here are some reasons you may be addicted to dating addicts:

1. You’re used to this threshold of chaos and drama, and anything less than this isn’t stimulating enough for you. “Normal” relationships and people just don’t hold your attention the way the drama of dating a drug addict does. Which brings me to my next point.

2. You lack emotional maturity. As Rumi once said, “Water seeks its own level.” You equate love with pain and excitement with chaos. Either way, you don’t quite know what you want out of life yet…which is why you’re content settling for addicts.

3. You don’t want real intimacy. If you did, you wouldn’t date an addict, because at least half the time, you’re treated like you aren’t there. Any efforts of yours to help or alleviate what they’re going through are often ignored and your needs are swept under the rug. It’s like you don’t exist, as you try feeding into this black hole of a situation. A person who wants real intimacy wouldn’t stand for this. They would demand more out of their relationships, love, and life.

4. Real intimacy comes with real accountability. Perhaps you can’t handle real intimacy because you don’t want the responsibility it requires to maintain.

5. You’re desensitized to drug addicts. One of the first addicts I dated back when I was twenty years old was a heroin addict. All addicts after that kind of paled in comparison. My brain rationalized their drug use as something that was “more tame”, which I told myself I was equipped to handle.

6. You haven’t met a sober artist you have chemistry with- yet. Speaking from personal experience, there are just a limited amount of sober artists out there. The biggest reason I’ve put up with the crap other addicts I’ve dated put me through is because they were interesting, well-read, creative, artists. If you hang out in those circles you will see how difficult it is to find a “stable” artist. You probably won’t. But you can try finding a sober one, or at least an artist dedicated to their own recovery.

7. You are better at helping others than helping yourself. You’re comfortable with the role of being a “helper”, “healer”, or “fixer”…mainly because it takes the focus of yourself and all the hard work you need to do for your own journey.

There are probably several others explanations as to why you are constantly surrounded by drug addicts despite not being one yourself. I’m curious to hear your perspective. If you wish to submit an article elaborating on either one of these points or offering an explanation on a different point of view, submit your article to partnersofaddicts@gmail.com

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